Journal / Civics
The Pillow of Rights
Ten amendments to how you sleep, ratified by our founders over a long weekend.
Every great nation has founding documents. Every great pillow company should too. After much debate, several drafts, and one nap, we ratified the following.
First: The right to free speech, including sleep talking.
Second: The right to bear arms around your pillow in a big hug.
Third: No soldier shall be quartered on your side of the bed.
Fourth: Freedom from unreasonable search of your nightstand drawer.
Fifth: You shall not be compelled to explain why you are still in bed at 10 a.m.
Sixth: The right to a speedy delivery.
Seventh: A jury of your pillows shall decide all disputes over the blanket.
Eighth: No cruel and unusual alarm sounds.
Ninth: Rights not listed here, like second breakfast, are still yours.
Tenth: All comfort not claimed by the top sheet is reserved to the sleeper.
We hold these truths to be self-evident. We also hold them in a frame above the bed.